#1.  Be deeply curious about your children.

This seems so obvious. But the idea is a game-changer in parenting.

I like to assume I know my children better than anyone else – even themselves.

But isn’t this a fantasy?

If I can let go of my agendas for my children (ie, what I want them to accomplish, how I want them to behave and even to look like) then I am free to be fascinated by who they are and who they were meant to be.

With this mindset, I go from wishing they were more athletic or more musical or more intellectual to yearning to know them more deeply.

My favorite moment in the novel, The Education of Little Tree, is when the Native American protagonist explains that in his grandparents’ language they don’t say, “I love you” to each other. They say, “I understand you,” to express their deepest relational connection.

The best ending of any day with my children is when I can say, “I learned something new about you today. Let  me share what I learned.”